The independence advantage

7 May

Written By Tom Palmer

Living life is living independently.

As our loved ones age, the effects can threaten their independence.

Starting to have lapses in memory or moments of confusion can see their confidence take a hit.

With many knock-on effects.

Effects like withdrawing from living life and doing what they love.

Loneliness and a hit to physical and mental health can follow.

It’s a vicious cycle.

But, studies show that staying independent can prolong independence.

A virtuous cycle.

Of course, a lot is going on here.

But find the formula for their independent living and they can likely live their lives for longer.

Living our lives for longer.

We're all living longer lives, but perhaps not living our lives for longer.

Advances in medical care mean our bodies are living longer.

Some experts believe we may start to live past 120 years old!

But brain health is another story.

You can’t fix the brain like you can replace a worn-out hip.

We don’t yet have ways to prolong brain health.

Research is ongoing.

So, this is where lifestyle comes in.

Staying physically and mentally active, keeping up with friends and eating well go a long way.

They can help you go a long way too.

The dependence hit.

Loved ones we care for can get into a downward spiral.

It’s a worrying time.

And they don’t want to be a burden.

They may stop being as active and engaged as they used to be.

And increasingly reliant on support.

You naturally want to help as much as you can.

Help them do things and do things for them.

But doing too much for them can undermine their independence.

They may feel more and more unable to do things themselves.

And lose more motivation.

So, what to do? Help them to help themselves.

And so help them back to their independent selves.

It’s a delicate balance.

Their safety and security comes first.

But keeping their independence strong is vital.

So, how to strike the right balance?

‘I’m helping my loved one live their life’ is a good place to be.

Helping them get over bumps in the road.

Being there if needed.

Like being there on a video call when they answer the door.

Or helping them set reminders on their phone.

Pinging a quick ‘Have a great day!’ voice message can go a long way.

Needs will change over time and it’s an ongoing conversation.

So start with a light touch.

Their confidence is their independence.

When your loved one takes a confidence hit, their independence will naturally take a hit too.

They’ll need some support to bounce back.

And you want to be there for them.

Sure, you both want them to live an independent life.

But you can’t just snap your fingers and be there.

You’ll likely build back toward that.

This is where doing things together, remotely or in person, gets powerful.

Things like taking a walk or cooking something together over a video call.

Or getting organised and planning with shared to-do lists.

It boosts confidence and sets them up to fly solo.

What fits your folks?

There is no one-size-fits-all.

The right approach to supporting independence is a very personal thing.

And depends on a lot of factors.

You likely see your loved one as a proud and independent person.

And they likely feel the same way.

It’s exactly that independence that needs to be nurtured.

It’s true, some folks will find it tough to accept help whilst others may expect it.

But finding what works for them and you is key.

So be their bridge over the bumps in the road and start with a light touch.

And go from there.

Distance no object.

The essence of independence is of course doing things for yourself.

Even if you live next door, you can’t be there in person to help whenever needed.

With your busy life, family, work and everything else, you can’t be.

The good news?

We live in an ever more remote-friendly world.

And most things can be easily sorted remotely.

Think about it.

Be it helping with tasks, being company when meeting people, getting organised…

The list goes on.

So get set up with the right tools and you can make the distance disappear.

Get set.

Getting set up for doing things remotely can seem daunting.

The fact there are loads of tools out there is a good and a bad thing.

And it’s a faff getting set up, remembering passwords and juggling different apps for different things.

Finding things that are easy to use can be tough.

But it’s worth the hassle.

And can take the pressure off.

For example, if you can easily drop a short voice message, it saves a phone call.

It’s easier than typing and they get much more from hearing your voice.

So take the plunge.

It’s worth it.