Help them be them for longer

Losing confidence can mean losing the you in you.

When someone you care for loses their confidence, you often lose something of them too.

Forgetting something or getting confused occasionally with age is nothing to worry about.

But when something happens to knock their confidence, the effects can start to snowball.

If they start withdrawing from living their lives, loneliness and declining mental well-being can follow.

And physical health can begin to suffer.

Knocking their confidence again in a downward cycle.

But here’s the thing, together you can reverse that cycle and get them back to their old selves.

We spoke with Maria and her daughter about their experiences.

Maria taught art classes but having retired, she now prefers being a student.

Art class is a highlight of her week for art and seeing friends.

One day out walking she lost her way, felt confused and asked for help.

This felt like a one-off, but still got her worried.

So much so that she hesitated to go out.

She started missing classes and seeing friends.

And her daughter noticed a downturn in her confident and outgoing mother.

They found a simple solution - enjoying a short video call together while Maria walks to her class.

What is it that makes them, them?

As we’ve just heard, the effect of a loved one losing their confidence can ripple out from its original cause.

You may notice them choosing not to do some things that then hinder them from doing other things.

Like losing confidence in leaving the house and so cutting themselves off.

Or feeling they can’t do their favourite hobby for fear of another mishap.

So what is it that your loved one loves doing?

How can you help them to keep doing it?

How can you help them help themselves?

Sometimes we just need a nudge.

Some days you just don’t want to get out of bed.

We’ve all been there.

But if you’re confidence is down and you’re worried about another mishap, it’s no joke.

But there’s plenty to do that can help.

Some find it helpful to write a checklist-style plan for the day or week so they go to bed ready for tomorrow and wake up organised.

And checking things off that list can be very satisfying.

For others, it’s about getting inspiration about what they can do with their day and going from there.

Whatever you choose, it’s all about helping your loved one to get going.

Offering help can be tricky.

It’s tempting to find and suggest a whole bunch of things your loved one might like to do.

You want to help, but nobody wants to feel bombarded or worse, patronised.

So proceed with caution.

That said, making a shared list between you where you all add suggestions can work well.

More so if those things are things you could do together, either in person or remotely.

Think making a recipe, doing an exercise routine or solving today’s Sudoku.

It also needn’t be together on a video call.

Lots of things can work well done when it suits you, to then talk about later.

Do things together to relive great moments together.

Was there something you have fond memories of doing together?

Or perhaps something they did that you’d love them to pass on to you?

Take making a favourite recipe for example.

It’s not just preparing the food.

Using shared online tools, maybe put together the ingredient list.

And debate adding a twist of something new.

Shop the ingredients list remotely together over a video call.

Sit to eat together remotely too.

And when you’re done, add notes for next time.

Doing your version of things like this may help bring back the one you know and love.

Make it fit both your lives.

With busy lives, work commitments, family and everything in between, fitting things in can be tricky.

You worry doing things with your loved one could get too much.

But it doesn’t have to.

You can make being there for them flex around your life and theirs.

A great example is your own book club.

Choose a book together, read when you can, discuss when you like, repeat.

Or playing a game like Chess or Battleships remotely and pinging each other your moves.

How much and how often is up to you.

Staying them by staying on top of things.

When you feel your confidence is low and you’re worried about your well-being, everyday tasks can slide.

They may take on a weight they never used to have.

Or you may feel anxiety about not being on top of them even when you are.

This is where routine can be so important.

And support from loved ones really counts.

Sharing to-do lists and setting reminders on phones and tablets can help cut tasks down to size and stay organised.

Help put the monster of day-to-day tasks back in its box to help your loved one back to independence.

There can be many tools in your toolbox.

We’re living in a remote-friendly world.

We do many things remotely that we could never have done before.

And the same can apply to supporting the loved ones we care for.

Video calls, voice messages, shared to-do lists, and reminders sent to our phones and tablets are there for us.

Juggling different apps to get all the things you need and remembering all those passwords can be a pain.

But once you’ve found tools you all like, it’s a powerful thing.

Helping them be them for longer.

Someone you care for losing their confidence can mean them no longer being their old selves.

It can also put them in a compounding downward cycle.

But it’s good to know you can help them reverse that cycle.

Sure, sometimes they may need a bit of a nudge.

And offering help can be tricky.

But you can do things together and help them stay on top of everyday routines by using all the tools in your toolbox and making helping fit both your lives.

And help them be them for longer.